Mario & Wario: The Greedlock
by Snidian
Summary: Mario and Wario face both ridiculous trials and each other. Chapter 5 is finally up! Reviews are greatly appreciated!
1. Prologue

Author's note: I own none of the characters in this story.

**Mario + Wario: The Greedlock**

**Prologue: Captain's Lock**

The Mushroom Kingdom has for a long time been the setting for tales of heroism, selflessness, and romance, of course describing the exploits of the land's hero, Mario. However, not all tales can be about virtuous deeds against evil. Sometimes revenge, hate, and sorrow come into play. This story tells of the one trait that Mario has likely never had: greed.

It is not surprising that the tale begins far away from the boundaries of the Mushroom Kingdom, on an island in the middle of the Great Blooper Sea. On this island, greed was the rule, for this was Kitchen Island, home of the nefarious Black Sugar Pirates. On one particularly nasty day, the captain of this band of thieves received quite the surprise.

"Oh Captain Syrup, we have made an astonishing discovery!" cried out the voice of a short creature, running towards his boss. A tall, gorgeous woman wearing a red bandana and ballooning pants twirled her thick black hair thoughtfully and replied, "Goom-Goom, this better be good – I was not happy at all about that last discovery."

Her short first mate Goom-Goom shook his spear angrily at his captain. "How was I supposed to know that those treasure chests were filled with gunpowder? Anyway, I bet you'll be really pleased with this. The boys down at Stove Canyon dug it up just this morning!" Two of his lackeys ran into the dimly lit room carrying a heavy, golden artifact that gleamed brightly. "We're thinking that it's 24-karats, captain!"

Captain Syrup snatched the object to take a closer look. The shape resembled that of a common lock, but with strange markings on its surface. The strangest part was that instead of the place where the key would go, the number 8 was clearly etched onto the surface.

"So, what do you think, captain? Pretty amazing, isn't it? It kind of makes you want to give me a reward, right?"

"Hush, Goom-Goom, I think I hear something!" Captain Syrup slowly lowered her ear to the golden lock, as if she was listening to its heart beat. "Hmmm, I see … oh, really? No kidding?"

One of the lackeys whispered to Goom-Goom, "Watch out, either Syrup's going insane, or she's going to give you a real verbal thrashing."

"Goom-Goom, do you know what this thing is saying to me?"

The first mate shifted his feet nervously and said no.

"This little beauty is saying that he's going to help me get my revenge!" Captain Syrup broke into evil laughter, while Goom-Goom just stared confused. "Oh, and here is your reward," she said, tossing a handful of doubloons at her happy first mate.

One week later, back in the Mushroom Kingdom, Wario was driving his snazzy purple convertible back to his castle, all the way gabbing on his cell phone. "I've told you one hundred times, Jimmy, I'm not going to put any of your disco themed mini-games into the mix! Also, quit swapping afros during work, it gets really confusing!"

As the "Wariomobile" approached the front door of the castle, Wario was surprised and enraged to find his rival Mario waiting at the door. "I'm going to have to call you back, Jimmy," Wario said as he slammed his phone. "Well, what are you doing at MY castle, Mario?"

"I'm here for the princess, fiend!" The hero proceeded to repeatedly to jump on Wario's head until his body closely resembled a pancake.

"Get off of me, you dumb plumber!" cried Wario as he bent his body back into its usual shape. "I don't even like Peach!"

"Explain this, then!" shouted Mario as he shoved a poorly drawn picture of Wario stealing Princess Peach into his rival's hands.

"This doesn't prove anything!" shouted Wario. At that moment, he heard a feminine voice cackling from inside his castle. He looked up to see Captain Syrup sticking her head out of the window, practically laughing her head off.

"Mario, look up! That annoying pirate woman in my castle probably stole Peach!" Wario paused for a moment, thinking about what he just said. "Wait, there's a pirate in MY castle!" Wario ran to the front door but stopped to see a strange glowing lock with the number 8 on it latched firmly to the handles. "Curse you, Captain Syrup!"

The pirate managed to stop laughing and began her well-prepared evil speech. "That's right, boys! I've kidnapped the princess and have taken your castle, Wario!"

"What have you done with the princess?" Mario demanded.

"She's right in here, comfortably tied up. She really does make a wonderful hostage! By the way, Wario, have you noticed that lock on your door? That happens to be the legendary Greedlock, by the way."

Wario, who was trying to break down the door, sneered. "I've never heard of it."

"It truly is a wonderfully potent item. It won't open until you do its owner's bidding, which happens to be me."

"There's no way I'm doing your dirty work, woman!" snapped Wario.

"Then I guess I get to keep your castle and the Princess!"

Furiously, Wario shouted, "Fine! What do you want, already?"

Captain Syrup laughed evilly and said, "First of all, I want you to team up with Mario to fulfill my requests! I want you to be as miserable as possible, Wario!"

Both Mario and Wario gasped at this first request. Even though the two mustachioed men were no longer mortal enemies, they still hated each other. How could they possibly work together without driving each other crazy? After exchanging long glares, Mario spoke up. "I'll do it for the princess." The red-clothed plumber looked back at Wario, who finally said. "Fine, but you better not get in my way!"

The two uneasy allies turned back to Captain Syrup, who was imagining all the ways she could possible bother Wario and gain from the experience. "Okay, you two, here is my next order." As the captain began to speak, the face of the Greedlock changed from an 8 to a 7.


	2. Chapter 1

Author's note: I still own none of the characters in this story.

**Mario & Wario: The Greedlock**

**Chapter 1: Cruising for a Bruising**

Somewhere just northeast of Toad Town, a shiny purple convertible roared down the highway. At the wheel was Wario, the greedy treasure hunter and video game maker, and in the passenger seat was Mario, the hero of the Mushroom Kingdom. Of course, both were very upset about the current pickle they were in.

"I can't believe that woman wants us to get her another pirate ship! And a flying one, at that! Shouldn't her S.S. Tea Cup be enough?" Wario moaned.

"You shouldn't be surprised," replied Mario. "After all, you sank the S.S. Tea Cup to the bottom of the sea!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Well, we'll just steal the crummiest Doom Ship Bowser has in his hangar. He won't miss it! My genius plan is flawless!"

Mario shook his head from side to side. "So how exactly do we steal a huge ship in the first place?"

"What do you mean by 'we'? I'm Wario, the best thief in the Mushroom Kingdom! I can get control of that ship all by myself! You can carry all my garlic, though. Just don't eat any of it!"

Angrily, Mario shouted, "First of all, if you're the best thief, then why couldn't you steal your castle back from Captain Syrup? Secondly, I'm not going to carry your garlic around." Mario pointed at the ten-pound bag of garlic in the back seat."

"Do you have any better ideas?"

"Why yes, I do." Before Wario could reply, Mario grabbed the car phone and began to dial a number. Wario was greatly angered by this, and grabbed at the phone in Mario's hand while Mario spoke into the receiver. The scuffle continued for quite awhile until the dangerously swerving Wariomobile almost hit a warp pipe on the side of the road. Screeching to a halt, Wario turned his car around and parked next to the green pipe.

"Thank you very much." Mario said as he hung up the phone. Turning to Wario, Mario said, "Wait here for a few seconds."

"Why should I do as you say?" snapped Wario. "You almost made me crash!" Just then, a rectangular figure shot out of the warp pipe, landing perfectly on Wario's face. As Wario was rubbing his nose, the figure sprouted legs and opened its eyes.

"Greetings, Mario," said Stuffwell, the computerized suitcase. "I understand that you need my carriability on your quest?"

"What is that thing?" asked Wario. "Is 'carriability' even a word?"

"My apologies, Wario," addressed the suitcase. "My vocabulation is not quite perfect, but I assure you that I will be a great help on your quest."

"Whatever you say, just carry all my garlic!" Wario threw his bag of garlic at the suitcase, which did little more than knock it over. As Mario stuffed the bag into Stuffwell, the suitcase called out. "Wario, do you need instructionization for using me in the field?"

"I don't care; just let Mario carry you around." Wario hopped back into the car, and Stuffwell somehow shrunk down like he always did and jumped into Mario's pocket.

After another hour of uneventful driving, the two men finally reached their destination: Dark Land Docks. This was where King Bowser, the ruler of Dark Land, kept all of his flying Doom Ships. Normally there would be bustling activity happening on this plot of land, but Bowser had not used his Doom Ships in several years, and for the most part the site was abandoned.

As Wario drove his Wariomobile closer, two armed guards approached the vehicle.

"Hey, you!" called out one of the Hammer Bros. "This is a restricted area, man. You, like, need to show some identification, okay?"

Before Mario could say something, Wario handed the guard his overly outdated driver's license. "Like, you're Mr. Wario, dude? I've never heard of you, man, but I guess you can do, like, whatever." The guard handed the license back to Wario, completely ignoring Mario, and let them move on. Wario drove his car into the nearest hangar he could find, eventually ending up in the cargo area of a run-down Doom Ship.

"Remind me to get the car before we give this ship to Syrup, or I'll pound you!" threatened Wario.

"Who's there?" called out a voice. A pudgy Koopa carrying a wrench ran up to Wario and whacked him on the head. "You're not allowed on this ship!"

Mario cleared his voice and said, "The guard outside gave us permission to come."

"Really?" said the astonished Koopa. "Well, I guess you can stay." The Koopa started to walk away.

"You just got lucky with him, Mario," taunted Wario. "I'm much better at talking smooth!"

"Hey, I heard that!" said the Koopa, returning with an angry look in his eyes. "So you're Mario, eh? I better do something about you, preferably involving giving you a good headache! They don't call me Rocky the Wrench for nothing!"

Rocky lunged forth, preparing to whack Mario hard with his wrench, but Mario performed one of his 'Super Duper Amazing Jumps' into the air, landing squarely on the Koopa's head. Wario joined in with one of his 'Super Bicep-Baring Shoulder Barges', launching Rocky forward and lodging his head neatly into a porthole. "What a pushover!" exclaimed Wario.

It was then that Mario noticed an oddly-placed treasure chest in the middle of the floor. Opening the chest, he reached in and pulled out a pair of Super Boots, causing Wario to laugh hysterically.

"Wah-ha-ha! Who would ever want to wear a pair of blue shoes? Those must be the ugliest pair of shoes I have ever seen!"

Suddenly, a Mushroom person walked up to Mario. "Hi, I'm Toadette, and I'm going to teach you how to use the Super Boots."

Wario continued to laugh. "Any idiot knows that you use shoes by wearing them on your feet! Where did you come from, anyway? Were you waiting behind that chest all day for someone to open it and ask how to wear shoes?"

Toadette ignored Wario's rude remark. "All you have to do is press the 'A' button after you jump in the air."

"Let me see those shoes." snarled Wario, snatching them from Mario's hands. "I don't see an 'A' button anywhere on these shoes! Don't listen to her, Mario. I can tell she's trying to con you into buying these ugly blue boots, and I'm not paying for them!"

Toadette, getting fed up with Wario's antics, whispered into Mario's ear, "I suggest you try out the Spin Jump on him first." In one complex move, Mario performed a high jump into the air, grabbed the Super Boots, put them on his feet, performed a flip, and crashed down onto Wario's head. Wario once again closely resembled a pancake.

"As you can see," explained Toadette, "I'm sure you will find many uses for the Spin Jump. I'm going to leave now and find another treasure chest to hide behind." As she left, Toadette kicked Wario, sliding him underneath a door.

"Okey-dokey," said Mario. "Now I need to get Wario back." Mario reached for the doorknob and turned, but the door was locked on one side. After pounding on the door, Wario finally opened it from his side.

"Thanks a lot, Mario," said Wario, his nose turning beet-red. "Just be glad that now we can go back to the castle." Wario pointed at the steering wheel and ignition button in the room.

"Not so fast!" shouted a voice from the ceiling. A spiny-shelled Koopa dropped down, body-blocking the controls from Wario. "Rocky the Wrench tipped me off to you two, so now you can either leave or face me, Admiral Boom-Boom!

"Bring it on!" cried Wario, preparing to battle the burly turtle man.

"Let's-a go!" cried Mario, striking a pose.

"Hold on a minute, Mario!" cried Stuffwell, jumping out of Mario's pocket. "I still need to instructionize you about Bros. Attacks!"

"Who cares, I can take him myself," grumbled Wario, barging forward. However, Boom-Boom simply turned around, causing Wario to crash into the spiny shell.

"As I was saying," continued Stuffwell, "with the Super Boots, you can use the move 'Flip Bros'."

"I don't care," cut in Wario, "I'm not even his brother!"

"Mario, please feel free to proceed and perform the Spin Jump technique on Wario."

"Wait a minute!" cried Wario before he once again ended up as flat as a pancake.

"Very good, Mario. Now, please kick Wario toward the enemy. Wario, please try to inflationate yourself when you slide under the enemy."

Mario gave the flat Wario a good kick, sending him sliding towards the confused Boom-Boom. When Wario stretched back to normal, Boom-Boom ended up flipping onto his back.

"Perfectitude!" exclaimed Stuffwell, "I see that you have mastered the Flip Bros. Remember to try other Bros. Attacks when you get more stuff." Stuffwell jumped back into Mario's pocket.

"Hey, can you give me a hand, here?" asked Boom-Boom, who was trying to get up. Mario kicked the pathetic excuse for a boss off of the Doom Ship, and then revved up the engine.

"What's taking those boys so long?" asked Captain Syrup to no one in particular an hour later. It was then that she saw the floating boat approach in the distance. Mario and Wario anchored the ship to the front lawn and drove out in the Wariomobile.

"This ship is awfully ugly, but I guess it will do," said the captain.

"Just tell us what to next so we can get this over with!" demanded Wario.

The face of the Greedlock changed from a 7 to a 6 as Captain Syrup told the two men her next demand.


	3. Chapter 2

Author's note: I still own nothing.

**Mario & Wario: The Greedlock**

**Chapter 2: Sore Sports**

The Wariomobile roared down the sandy dunes of Gritzy Desert, its three passengers each trying to not get into each other's way. Wario was driving in silence, while Mario was twiddling his thumbs. Stuffwell would have broken the silence if he was not deactivated and in the car's trunk. Captain Syrup's latest request was for the two mustachioed men to steal the Golden Shell, the trophy given out at the Koopa Bowl. The group had decided that in spite of the lack of virtue, they should let Wario just steal the thing and avoid any arguing. Of course, that was not about to happen.

In the middle of Gritzy Desert lies the Koopa Stadium. Once an ancient structure, Bowser renovated the building for sporting events for his subjects. Therefore, Wario found the parking lot completely mobbed with doom tanks, doom speeders, clown cars, and other deadly vehicles.

"Wah!" he exclaimed, "I can't find any parking spaces!"

Mario, at the risk of being yelled at, said, "Why don't you park a bit farther away?"

"No way, Mario," yelled Wario. "Besides, I have a better idea, like always!"

"Wario proceeded to rev up the engine, and the Wariomobile hurtled forward. Mario covered his eyes as the purple convertible smashed through the thick walls of the stadium – and knocked down a purple-robed Magikoopa in the process.

"Hey, watch where you're going, you fool!" rasped Kammy, Bowser's head advisor. "That's no way to treat an elderly woman!" Using her magic wand, Kammy conjured the most powerful, complicated, and all around deadly spell known to Magikoopas, a Big Yellow Block. Wario rammed the car right into the block and was sent hurtling, along with Mario, right into the center of the field, where some Charging Chucks were practicing. It was not long until Kammy came on her broom, along with the Koopa King himself, Bowser.

"Gwahahahar!" laughed the King. "If it isn't Mario, my nemesis, and that fat guy whose name I currently can't remember, trespassing on my private stadium!"

Kammy cackled along with Bowser. "Your Brutalness, perhaps you should show them what happens to trespassers."

"What do you mean? I think Mario finally thinks he's good enough for some real sports. It's not like I took Peach or anything, so why would he want to fight me?"

"But your Massiveness, I believe that now is an opportune time to rid of your nemesis once and for all!"

"I've got it; I'll enter Mario and this other guy into the tournament. He's obviously bored with his unending genre of Mario-themed sports! I'll show him some real action!"

"Your Gnarliness, as your advisor, I strongly suggest …"

"Kammy, take these two to the lockers. That's an order!"

Kammy sighed. "Right away, your Competitiveness." Under her breath, she added, "Why does Bowser even need an advisor if he never takes any advice?"

Thus Mario and Wario found themselves in a run down locker room that smelled strongly of turtle soup. Mario was switching his Super Boots for tennis shoes, while Wario was swinging a massive bat around. A Hammer Bro dressed in a referee's garb entered the room, and called for Mario.

"Mario, sir, your singles match is ready." Mario grabbed a tennis racket and headed to the court, while Wario followed to watch him screw up, forgetting Mario's strong tennis skills.

Waiting in the stands was only Bowser and Kammy. "Well, Mario, this match is occurring only because one of my children signed up for the Mario Tennis games, but was turned down. Before the Koopa Bowl, I want you to duke it out in a singles match! Come out, Larry."

Larry Koopa, carrying his personal shell-themed tennis racket, strolled onto the court. Mario remembered this "Koopaling" as the tennis fanatic in Bowser's family. However, Wario, who had never seen Larry before, shouted "Wah ha ha! A Koopa with blue hair? All this blue stuff is making my face turn blue!"

Larry started the match by spitting up a fireball into the air, then serving the ball to Mario. The plumber made a perfect swing, but the tennis racket only managed to catch on fire.

"That's fifteen - love!" rasped Kammy, changing the scoreboard. Wario laughed at Mario and said "Hey Larry, way to play dirty!"

Mario, not the least bit fazed, exchanged his racket for a flame-retardant one, and, with the use of a Fire Flower, served a fireball at Larry. The two competitors volleyed the ball for a long time, causing Wario to become bored. "Aah! I'm bored!"

This distracted Larry enough to cause him to miss the ball. "Fifteen all!" called out Kammy. "Wah ha ha!" called out Wario. "Hey, you're cheating!" called out Bowser. "Well were even now," called out Mario. Larry remained silent, but tossed his racket at Wario who by now was tired of getting hit on the head.

A referee ran up to Wario as Larry went to get another racket. "Excuse me, sir, but your heckling is interfering with the game. Please go back to the locker room."

Frustrated, Wario left the field, leaving Mario and Larry to finish their game in peace. However, he was surprised to find one of the lockers rattling vigorously. Using a great shoulder barge, Wario knocked Toadette, the mushroom girl, right out of the locker.

"Ah hah!" said Wario. "You're really just trying to snoop on me, aren't you? Well, no one can resist Wario, I suppose."

"Actually," replied Toadette while rubbing her bruised head, "I found a really nice chest in this locker room. Some Koopas found me and shoved me into that locker."

Wario pushed Toadette over, searching thoroughly for the chest. When he found it and opened it up, he did not find any treasure, though, just a very SHINY pair of gloves.

"Isn't it wonderful, Wario?" asked Toadette.

"Hey, I already have gloves! I don't need this power up that will probably allow me to perform some sort of ridiculous stunt that will somehow be beneficial on my quest!"

"Were you even listening to yourself? Anyway, these are Hurly Gloves! They let you throw things."

"I am already very good at throwing things." Wario proceeded to throw a baseball bat into the wall, causing both to crack.

"Well, um, the Hurly Gloves will allow you to throw heavy objects as well."

Wario picked up the heavy chest and threw it hard, making a lovely hole in the wall.

"Hmm…" Toadette thought hard. "These gloves will let you throw Mario."

"Gimme those gloves now!" shouted Wario as he snatched the Hurly Gloves from Toadette. Throwing away his old, sweaty gloves, he put on the new SHINY gloves. He then tried out his new power by hurling Toadette through the hole in the wall.

"See you later, Wario," called out the mushroom girl before she landed in a heap of dirty laundry.

As Wario began to flex his muscles and make really cool poses in the mirror, a different Koopa referee came into the locker room. "Wario, sir, you are wanted on the baseball diamond." Wario waddled outside, finding the diamond to be completely empty. In the stands were Bowser, Kammy, Mario, and Larry, as well as Iggy Koopa, the bespectacled son of Bowser.

"Hey, Wario," called Mario, "I won the singles match!" Wario did not reply, as he could not care less.

Bowser then spoke up. "Okay, fat guy; let me tell you the scoop. My youngest son Lemmy has been practicing baseball, and he thinks you can't strike him out. If you can strike out Lemmy, you and Mario can compete for the Golden Shell."

Wario was confused. "Who's Lemmy? Is Mr. Four-Eyes in the stands Lemmy? He doesn't look too tough."

Iggy growled at Wario while Bowser said, "Of course not, you fool, this is Lemmy's fraternal twin Iggy. Lemmy is right behind you!"

Sure enough, a short Koopaling with googly eyes, a thick helmet, and an oversized baseball bat was standing behind Wario. "What, I have to pitch for him?" whined Wario. "He hardly even has a strike zone!" Lemmy replied by whacking Wario to the pitcher's mound. Looking down, Wario saw a large pile of baseballs.

"Okay, squirt, you better be ready for the Wario!" Wario started to wind up for the pitch, Lemmy went into a batting position, and Iggy took out a foam finger with Lemmy's face on it. However, Wario knew that his new Hurly Gloves would make this game end fast. Wario released an amazing fast ball, beaming Lemmy right in the face. "Ball!" rasped Kammy.

"Oops," said Wario. "At least the kid's got a helmet." Being the sneaky guy he was, Wario decided to end this lame game as fast as possible: by cheating. While Lemmy was prying the baseball from his eye socket with the help of Iggy, Wario secretly pocketed two baseballs.

"You better not hit my son again, or there will be trouble!" growled Bowser.

"Quiet down; it won't happen again." Wario saw that Lemmy was ready for the next pitch. However, he was obviously not ready for the next pitch at all, as Wario quickly threw three baseballs in rapid succession right down the center of home plate. "Three strikes already?" gasped Kammy as Lemmy threw his bat down in frustration.

"Wario!" roared Bowser, finally remembering his name, "You are a horrible cheater! That's the true spirit of a real athlete! The Koopa Bowl starts in thirteen seconds.

Those thirteen seconds were spent rapidly as Mario and Wario rushed to the main stadium. Kammy and Bowser rushed to their self reserved seats as well, leaving only the three Koopalings on the baseball diamond. "I hate it when we get no dialogue!" whined Iggy.

The stadium was completely packed with screaming turtles, which would not make any sense whatsoever if this was not the Mushroom Kingdom. Koopas of all kinds packed the stands as Mario and Wario ran into the field. It was then that Mario noticed something horrible.

"Oh no, this is a football field!" cried the plumber. "I've never played football before!"

"Quit underlining the word 'football' in your speech, Mario!" grumbled Wario. Wario then noticed the opponent. "Oh, Shoot!"

"What's wrong?" asked Mario. "Is our opponent that bad?"

"No, he's not really that bad."

"What's his name, anyway?"

"I just told you! Are you deaf or something? His name is Shoot!"

"That's right!" taunted the tall, muscular, athletic bunny rabbit. "I'm Shoot, the most athletic rodent in the Mushroom Kingdom! Today we're playing football, Wario!" Shoot ran to the fifty-yard line, followed by the two men.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" rasped Kammy into the microphone. "It's the time you've all been waiting for! Five time champion Shoot will face challengers Mario and Wario! The first side to score a touchdown wins! Let the Koopa Bowl begin!" The football fans screamed wildly as Kammy rang a large gong.

"Wait!" shouted Mario. "Doesn't football have, well, a ball?"

Wario shook his head. "The one thing you should know when playing against Shoot is that he never uses a ball."

"That's right, Mario!" said Shoot. "Since you don't know how I play football, let me show you!" Shoot jumped very high into the air, which rabbits tend to be very prolific at, and landed on Mario, squishing his body into a ball. Shoot then kicked Mario for a gain of twenty yards!

In retaliation, Wario jumped on top of Shoot's head, but Shoot, who had had much more than thirteen seconds to prepare for the game, had a football helmet on. Wario fell onto the ground as the not-squished-into-a-ball Shoot laughed. "It looks like football isn't your thing, Wario! You're not even wearing a helmet! The only sports gear I see you wearing are those SHINY gloves, but those can't possibly help at all!"

Wario suddenly came up with an idea, which is pretty rare when it comes to him. Running awkwardly backwards, he grabbed Mario, who was still bouncing around as a ball.

"What are you doing, Wario?" asked Mario nervously.

With great strength, Wario hurled Mario at his large-eared opponent at an almost breakneck speed (Mario's neck would break at a breakneck speed). Shoot's eyes bugged out as Mario hit him squarely in the chest, sending the two rolling all the way into the end zone!

"Touchdown! Cough, cough, cough," hacked Kammy. As Wario posed for the fans, Bowser angrily threw the Golden Shell at Wario, hitting him in the head, of course.

Later, Mario and Wario were walking back to the Wariomobile, carrying their, or rather Captain Syrup's, trophy. As Wario opened the trunk to stick the Golden Shell inside, Stuffwell popped out.

"Oh, happies!" exclaimed the luggage. "It is great to once again bask in the illumination. Relief sequence activated!"

Wario grabbed the suitcase, threw in the trophy, hurled Stuffwell back into the trunk, and closed it tight.

"Hey, Wario," said Mario, "I didn't know that you were so good at sports."

"Shut up and get in the car," grumbled Wario. Despite Mario's kind words, Wario would not turn soft and be nice back. Without any further speech, Wario started the convertible and started the long drive back to his castle.


	4. Chapter 3

Author's note: I own nothing in this story. Also, I don't do accents.

**Mario & Wario: The Greedlock**

**Chapter 3: Food Fights**

Captain Syrup frantically rummaged through Wario's refrigerator, tossing out garlic chicken, garlic pasta, garlic soup, garlic ice cream, fresh garlic, nasty garlic, and even garlic soda. "Argh! Is there any food in here that doesn't contain any garlic?"

"Don't worry, captain," shouted Goom-Goom, who was in Wario's bathroom brushing his teeth with garlic toothpaste. "I've heard that garlic is good for you!"

"Garlic is good in moderation, but this is ridiculous!" shouted Princess Peach, who was locked up in Wario's never-used guestroom. Although she was not uncomfortable, her breath had started to reek of garlic.

As Captain Syrup was giving up her search for a decent meal, she heard loud honking from outside the castle. Looking out a window, she saw Wario with a trophy in his hand and tissues in his nose.

"Good, I see you managed to get me the Golden Shell. What happened to your nose, Wario, did you and Mario get in a fight?"

"No, nothing like that happened," said Wario in a nasal tone. "I did learn that it's a bad idea to pick your nose in a desert." Wario threw the trophy through the window, almost hitting Captain Syrup. The face of the Greedlock changed from a 6 to a 5 as the captain explained the terms of her next demand.

"Wario, you idiot, don't you eat anything without garlic in it? I tell you, after spending a few days in here; I can't stand looking at a single clove! Even your toothpaste tastes like garlic!"

"Wah, don't touch my garlic toothpaste, I want to patent that!"

"Too late, Wario. Your next task is to get me a good meal without garlic in it!"

"Look in the fridge; I'm pretty sure there's a Beanbean Brand Bean Burrito in there somewhere."

"Goom-Goom ate that yesterday! However, I suppose I should be more specific. I want a legendary meal. I've heard that one of those meals contains a Whacka's Bump, but I don't know the other ingredient. Also, I'd like to wash down my meal with a legendary beverage, preferably a soda!"

Wario's mouth started drooling at the thought of legendary food, and did not snap out of his trance until Mario shouted, "I know what to do! Wario, can I drive your car for this task?"

"Fine, as long as I get to eat some legendary food!"

"No, you don't get to eat legendary food, I do!" shouted Captain Syrup as the Wariomobile headed towards Toad Town. Along the way, Mario kept his eyes peeled to the sides of the road, and after fifteen minutes of driving, pulled the car over to the side of the road. Mario jumped out of the car and approached a blue mole-like creature on sticking its head out of the ground.

"Whack-a-doo! What a lovely day it is!" exclaimed the Whacka. The happy mole then noticed the Italian man approach him, raising a hammer over his head. "Good day, Mr. Mustache! Doesn't today feel like nothing can go wrong?"

Whack! Mario hit the mole over the head, producing a Whacka's Bump.

"Whack-ow! What did you hit me for, sir?"

Whack! Mario hit the mole over the head, producing a Whacka's Bump.

"Whack-oof! Wait, did I eat breakfast this morning?"

Whack! Mario hit the mole over the head, producing a Whacka's Bump.

"Whack-oh! Do you happen to have any ibuprofen on you?"

Whack! Mario hit the mole over the head, producing a Whacka's Bump.

"Whack-ooh! Whack-a-dack-a-doo! Woo-hoo!

Whack! Wario, wanting to join the fun, socked the Whacka over the head, producing a Whacka's Bump.

"Whack-aaah! I can't take this kind of abuse!" The Whacka retreated into his hole to fetch an ice pack, and the two men gathered the bumps and stuffed them into Stuffwell. Mario then got back into the car and drove all the way to Toad Town, where he happened to run into some good luck.

"Oh, hello, Mario," said Tayce T., Toad Town's best chef. "You're in luck today; my sister happens to be visiting from Rogueport to exchange cooking tips. We've been learning a lot from each other, and together we can probably whip up some amazing food for you!"

"That's great!" said Mario. "I've got five Whacka's Bumps, and I've heard that a legendary meal can be made by mixing one with some other item. Do you think you can manage?"

"Well, we can try." Tayce took the Whacka's Bumps and headed into the kitchen to meet back with her sister Zess T. Wario could hear mumbling through the door and delightful smells coming from the kitchen as the two sisters put their culinary mastery to the test. Soon, Zess T. came with a couple of platters."

"So, if it isn't Mr. Crunchy and his sidekick Sir Fatso!" Wario gave the rude chef an angry glare. "Don't think I forgot about that contact lens fiasco, Mario. Lucky for you, I can't deny a challenge. Here are two meals you might recognize." Zess T. lifted the lids to reveal a Deluxe Feast and a Zess Deluxe. "Are these legendary enough for you, Steps-A-Lot?"

"I'm not sure," said Mario. Zess T. grumpily returned to the kitchen as Mario put the meals into Stuffwell. For another while, the two chefs worked to produce the legendary meal. Later, Tayce T. arrived with another set of platters.

"Well, I hope you enjoy these." She lifted the first platter to reveal a lumpy, yet nice smelling cake. "After mixing Cake Mix with the Whacka's Bump, we ended up with this cake. We call it 'Pound Cake'." Tayce T. then lifted the other lid to reveal an odd purple and blue thing. "This should taste much better than it looks. We mixed a Whacka's Bump with a Mystic Egg to make this 'Bumpy Dumpling'. Could one of these be the legendary meal you are looking for?"

"Let me check," said Wario as he completely stuffed both dishes into his mouth at once. "They don't taste very legendary to me." Tayce T. bustled back to the kitchen to try one more recipe.

"Wario, don't eat the food; this is for Captain Syrup, not you!" warned Mario.

"Shut up, Mario, I haven't eaten all day. Besides, legendary food shouldn't look that disgusting, even though they were a little tasty."

Just then, Tayce and Zess stepped triumphantly through the door carrying a large platter, on which a marvelous golden concoction with an amazing smell was perched. "I think we have a true masterpiece here, Crushy McStomp-Stomp!" said Zess. "We call it the Whacka Supreme!"

Wario's eyes bugged out of his head at the sight of the amazing delicacy. "That's incredible! What was the other ingredient?"

"The other ingredient," stated Tayce "was a cup of our tastiest, freshest, tangiest GARLIC!"

"Wow!" said Wario, before Mario whacked him with his hammer. "Don't you remember that Captain Syrup wanted something other than garlic?"

"Of course!" beamed Wario. "Since this food has garlic in it, I don't have to share it with anyone!" Wario made a grab at the Whacka Supreme, but Mario grabbed it and put it into Stuffwell. "Make sure Wario does not eat that food," said Mario.

"I completely understandify," replied the suitcase. "Lockdown mode initiated. Wario will not ingesticate the Whacka Supreme under my watchification!"

"Very good, I think," said the plumber. Tossing Stuffwell into the trunk of the Wariomobile, the duo headed for their next stop.

"Where the heck are we going now?" complained Wario after two hours straight of driving south.

"If we go south," explained Mario, "we should be able to cross the Beanbean border, then go to Chucklehuck Woods, where a legendary soda maker, whom I have met once, lives. Hopefully, he can make us some sort of soda for the captain."

"Makes sense to me." After another hour of driving, Wario noticed the ground to turn purpler, and eventually noticed a small building up ahead. "Wait a minute, I don't have a passport!" noticed Wario. As Wario dove to the floor of the car, Mario drove the car up to the new border patrolman.

"Nyeck nyeck nyeck!" laughed Tolstar. "It looks like Mario got himself a nice car. Your favorite color is purple?"

"No, this is a rental," Mario lied.

"Well, instead of showing me your passport, I'm going to make you pay a toll, despite what the law says. Now, give me ten coins!" Mario threw ten coins at Tolstar.

"Nyeck nyeck nyeck! Have you forgotten that this is the Beanbean Kingdom?" Tolstar whipped out his trusty, outdated calculator. "At the current exchange rate, ten Beanbean coins are equivalent to 15356849785697465 Mushroom Kingdom coins!"

"That can't be right!" exclaimed Mario.

"Oh, but it is. Isn't inflation grand?"

"No, I mean that kind of calculator only has room to display eight digits, and 15356849785697465 has seventeen digits."

"Darn, you got me! How did you remember that seventeen digit number anyway? Fine, I'll let you go for some food. All I can afford nowadays are this calculator and toll booth. I even had to sell my cannon!"

Stuffwell popped out of the trunk and took out the Zess Deluxe. "My calculations tell me that we can part with this victual." Mario took the food and gave it to Tolstar, who let Mario continue on to Chucklehuck Woods while Wario inaudibly cursed at Stuffwell. Only twenty minutes later, Mario arrived at the entrance to the Chateau de Chucklehuck, which was unusual due to the fact that he had to drive the convertible at least ten feet vertically to reach the front gates.

"Bonjour!" greeted two Beanfolk inside the chateau. "I am Cork, and he is Cask! You are Mario, no? Please, come in and have a soda!"

"Actually, I'd like to speak to Bubbles," stated Mario. "Yeah, were going to force him to make us some legendary soda!" added Wario.

"Oh, we are so sorry. Bubbles has just entered the secret basement of his chateau, and we do not know where it is. However, we do have a special hammer that can possibly assist you in finding him." The two Bean brothers left and quickly returned with a green hammer.

"Well, at least it's not blue," grumbled Wario.

"Ah, yes, allow us to instruct you on the art of the Bean Hammer!" started Cork.

"No, let me do it!" shouted Toadette, who had just burst through the doors of the chateau. "I've been helping them throughout their quest, so I should get to teach them how to use the hammer!"

"Zut alors! Who is this girl? Go away; we are the ones who must teach these men how to use the Bean Hammer!"

"Oh, fine then," sulked Toadette. "You two better let me teach you how to use the next power-up, though!" The mushroom girl ran back through the doors as quickly as she had come.

"Well, ignoring that, let us teach you through example!" Wario watched as the hefty Cork stood in front of the slimmer Cask. Wario then winced as Cask whacked his brother on the head, forming him into a ball. Wario then gasped as Cask hit his brother again, sending him rolling forward at a fast pace. "As you can see, the Ballistic Bros move can be very useful, non?"

"I'm not looking forward to it at all," said Wario.

Cork then came running back. "I have good news and bad news, men; I just rolled through a wall and broke my arm!"

"That's the good news?" asked Mario.

"No, but I uncovered the stairs to the secret basement. It is straight down the hall. Say bonjour to Bubbles for me."

Mario and Wario ran down the stairs, revealing a spooky dungeon-type basement. As they walked down the dark corridor, they could hear an old, raspy voice echo through the hallway: "What do you call a person who impersonates a soda? A carbonated copy!" The sound of fizz then filled the corridor. Mario could tell that Bubbles must be making more soda, but Wario was scratching his head trying to understand the joke he just heard.

"What is a soda's favorite movie? They Call Him Mr. Pibb!"

Wario chuckled as the fizzing sound was heard once again. Mario pulled his arm to the end of the hallway, where an old bean man was bending over a barrel of pink liquid. "What did the ancient Roman farmers drink? Agri-cola!" The barrel shook lightly as foam formed on the surface of the soda. Bubbles then turned around when he heard Wario say "I don't get it!"

"Oh, company?" asked Bubbles. "My apologies, monsieurs, I did not see you. Bonjour, I am Bubbles, legendary soda maker and ultimate comedian with the HARDY HAR HAR! You have come to see my new Diet Chuckola Reserve, non?"

"Yeah, we want some soda right now, so give us the goods!" shouted Wario. Mario was frantically shaking his head no at Wario.

"Oh, you wish to take the soda for yourselves, I see. Well … UN! DEUX! TROIS!" Bubbles began to perform some complex ballet moves while the soda began to sprout eyes and arms. "I think I just lost my appetite," said Wario.

"As you can see, I have much improved in my joke telling abilities, and for one thousand days I have told joke after joke to my beloved Diet Chuckola Reserve, letting it age to perfection. It is a truly magnifique soda! Now, thieves, feel free to experience the aroma and full-bodied taste of Chuckola Reserve, with half the calories! Bon appetit!"

The pink soda roared and charged at the mustachioed men. Armed with his new Bean Hammer, Mario struck the soda hard in its makeshift chest. The soda retaliated by forming a 'Pop Gun', firing pink droplets rapidly at Mario's face. "Mamma mia, I need a towel!" Wario, on the other hand, was completely freaked out by the breathing beverage, and could not muster any energy to attack the soft drink.

"Wario, what are you doing?" shouted Mario, who was trying to wipe off the sticky soda with his gloves. "We have to defeat that soda!" Wario still did not move. "Alright, you asked for it, Wario!" Swinging his hammer wildly, Mario squashed Wario into a ball, and then shot him directly at the soda. However, Wario only glanced of the soda, causing the beverage to jiggle like gelatin.

"It looks like my soda is more than a match for you two, eh?" said the soda maker.

"Bubbles, have you forgotten what happens when you shake a soda?" asked Mario. Bubbles looked at his creation in shock as fizz erupted from its body. Weakened by the loss of its fizz, the soda returned to its barrel.

"No, you fools; you made my masterpiece go flat! It's completely ruined! Just go away and take it, it is useless to me now! Au revoir, and never come again!"

Packing the barrel into the trunk of the convertible Mario started the long trip back to Wario's castle. When he got there, he saw Captain Syrup poking her head out the window. "It's about time, we're starving in here!" she yelled. "Get Wario to throw my food through this window; I don't want him inside!"

Mario and Wario went over to Stuffwell, who had calculated an interesting proposition. "May I suggesticate that you give the captain the Deluxe Feast instead of the Whacka Supreme? Although not as legendary, the Deluxe Feast has no garlic in it, yet my sensors indicate that it is filled with deliciousity."

"I like the way you think, Stuffwell! That way I can eat the Whacka Supreme!"

"Lockdown mode initiated. Mario, you get the Deluxe Feast so that Wario does not devourify the Whacka Supreme."

Mario did just that, and using his Bean Hammer launched both the food and beverage through the window. "These are legendary foods?" asked Captain Syrup. "This soda looks flat, and this meal looks bland. Well, at least its not garlic, so I guess I'll tell you what to do next." The face of the Greedlock changed from a 5 to a 4 as she thought up her next task through bites of her legendary meal.


	5. Chapter 4

Author's note: I still own nothing in this story.

**Mario & Wario: The Greedlock**

**Chapter 4: Don't Mess With Hexes**

"Urp, I can't believe I ate the whole thing," moaned Captain Syrup as she rubbed her stomach. "Now, what should I make Wario do now? Goom-Goom, do you have any ideas?"

The short first mate scratched his head with his spear. "I don't know; make him go find someone else he hates?"

"That man hates everybody!" snapped the captain, but in her head she was considering all the people Wario would not want to go anywhere near. What first jumped into her head was the image of a diabolical demon head shooting meteors out of his nose. "Of course, Wario complained a lot about how much he hated fighting the Stove Demon!" Captain Syrup stuck her head out the window and addressed Wario. "Hey, doofus, I bet you can't get me a demon's autograph!"

"Mama mia, a demon?" gasped Mario.

"Wah ha ha! This will be a piece of cake!" laughed Wario. Dragging Mario into the purple convertible, Wario revved up the engine and sped down the road. "Are you sure you know what your getting into?" asked Mario.

"Of course," said Wario. "I know a demon that is willing to help anybody!" Wario picked up his cell phone and started to dial a number.

Meanwhile, in a dark, spooky corner of Diamond City, a small girl was stirring a boiling concoction in her cauldron. "Eye of newt, grandma's wig, kitten spit …" Ashley the witch was naming ingredients as her brew started to change colors. "Ah, my potion is almost complete. Come forth, Red!"

"A-a-are you s-sure that I h-h-have to d-do this?" asked a small horned figure in the corner of the room, wearing brown shorts and a blindfold.

"Yes, Red," sighed Ashley. "The recipe for this five-alarm chili calls for essence of demon, and as you are the only demon I know who would be willing to help anybody, you are going to be the last ingredient."

"B-b-but wouldn't I b-burn my face?"

"Don't be such a wimp. You have a blindfold on, and besides, the recipe says that I should let the mixture cool for exactly three minutes and seventeen seconds before you dunk your head in there."

"… I can't see the clock."

"Fine," grumbled the witch. "I'll count. You dunk your head in when I said 'now'."

RING! RING! At that moment Ashley's telephone rang in the other room. "You wait here, Red, and don't move until I say 'now'." Red gave his master the thumbs' up, and then Ashley strolled to the phone and lifted up the receiver.

"This better be important, Wario," she spat into the phone.

"Hey, you better not speak to your employer like that!" yelled Wario through the phone. "How did you know that it was me anyway?"

"You're the only other person besides Red that has my phone number."

"Oh. Does that mean that Red is with you, because I need him to sign something."

"He is here, but I cannot let you see him."

"I'm your boss, little girl, and I say that I gonna see him right NOW!"

"NOW?"

"I heard you loud and clear, Ashley!" yelled Red from the other room. Ashley then heard the sound of a loud splash.

"Wait, Red, not yet, it is still too early!" shouted the which, slamming the phone down. Rushing to the other room, the normally serious girl could not help but let out a gasp at the situation in the other room. "This … is not good."

"How could she slam the phone on her employer?" yelled Wario back in the convertible. "I'm gonna lower her salary by half if she gives me any more disrespect!"

By this time, the Wariomobile had reached Diamond City, and cruising down Main Street. Mario was clutching his head in pain after all the yelling Wario was doing, and Stuffwell was once again in the trunk. Parking the car at Club Sugar, Wario hopped out of the car and looked around to find another one of his employees, 9-Volt, running over to him.

"Mr. Wario, Ashley wanted me to tell you to meet her inside Club Sugar, and I wanted to thank you for giving me a Nintendo DS Lite instead of a salary, and HOLY COW IS THAT MARIO OH MY GOSH IT IS SO GREAT TO FINALLY MEET YOU YOU KNOW I HAVE ALL OF YOUR GAMES AND PARAPHERNALIA AND I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN CAN YOU SIGN MY HELMET YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS MEANS TO ME THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY …" 9-Volt suddenly fainted from all of his excitement.

"That's weird," mumbled Wario. "Ashley hates Club Sugar." Stepping over his passed out employee, Wario shoved the doors open to find Ashley looking positively furious. "Okay, Ashley, get me Red!"

"Thanks to you, I can't get Red," she said darkly. "Your rude phone call caused him to dunk his head into my chili too early. Now, instead of enjoying a light lunch, I've been kicked out of my house by a power-mad freak. And since you caused this problem, Wario, you are going to fix it."

"Argh, is everyone making me do their dirty work today?" moaned Wario. "Fine, but I'm deducting your pay from this!"

Later, at Ashley's mansion, Wario was kicking the front gate. "Wah! Why won't this stupid gate open?"

"Maybe you should read this, Wario," spoke up Mario, shoving a note into his face. Wario decided to read the note, even though he hates reading.

_Go away. This means everybody. And also don't get help from Dr. Crygor._

"Why couldn't Red have just signed his name?" moaned Wario.

"Who's Dr. Crygor?" asked Mario.

"Oh, he's just some crazy scientist who works for me and invents useful stuff, but that's not important right now."

Sighing, Mario told Wario to read the note again. "Hey, Mario, this note gives me a great idea! Get in the car, we're going to see Dr. Crygor!"

After a half hour of driving underwater, which is extremely difficult in a convertible, the duo reached the island lab of Diamond City's resident mad scientist. "Now whatever you do, Mario, don't insult what Dr. Crygor does, no matter how ridiculous." Mario nodded his head, then he and Wario entered the lab. Mario was surprised to find that Dr. Crygor was practicing complex break dancing moves in his lab, and even more surprised to find that all of the doctor's limbs plus the top half of his head were mechanical. The strange man turned around to meet his guests, and the motion detector he had on his head in place of his eyes blinked on. "Well, what a surprise!" said Dr. Crygor in a surprisingly friendly fashion. "Can I offer you and your friend a selection of my finest peppers, Wario?"

"Actually, Doc, I need help breaking down a gate. Do you have anything that can do that?" implied Wario.

"Of course! Breaking down gates can be very important! Let me get you and your friend something that can increase your strength!" The doctor hopped on a moped shaped like a duck and started to speed up the stairs.

"Wah ha ha! Increasing my strength, eh? I think I know what Crygor's got in mind." Wario imagined himself in a purple garlic-themed jumpsuit. "Faster than a speeding ticket! Stronger than dirt! Able to leap in a single bound! I am WARIO MAN!" Mario shook his head and wondered what was taking the doctor so long as his travel partner started making whooshing noises and running around the lab. "I could have sworn that I heard someone flushing a toilet upstairs at least 36 times. Are you sure that Dr. Crygor is a credible scientist?"

"Sure!" exclaimed Wario, who was still running around. "He told me once that his toilet inspires most of his inventions."

"No, no, no, this will not do at all," called a voice from upstairs. Mario looked up to find Crygor dragging Toadette back to the lab while holding a pair on odd pants. "But Doctor, I have to tell them how to use this power-up!" whined Toadette. "I didn't get to do it in the last chapter, and I already nominated myself to be the official power-up tutor for this story!"

"Listen, miss, I do not care how much you break the fourth wall, you are not allowed to touch my machines without my permission," said Dr. Crygor sternly. "Now go off and let me explain my newest invention to Wario." Marching angrily out the door, Toadette yelled back, "I am so going to get you two in the next chapter, no matter what it takes!" The normally sweet Toadette slammed the door behind her.

"Sorry about that," apologized Dr. Crygor. Making a dramatic gesture, he suddenly exclaimed, "Behold, the PHAT-Pants!"

"Hey, I just big-boned!" complained Wario. "I don't need fat pants!"

"Let me explain. 'PHAT-Pants' is actually an acronym for 'Partner Hefting Adamantine Techno-Pants'. These pants are revolutionary! The wearer of these pants will be able to bear heavy loads without any adverse affect to the wearer's running and jumping abilities. If you were to pick up Mario and run headlong into a gate, your momentum should shatter it without a problem. I will call this ability 'Charge Bros.'. Just remember to lift with your knees! And now I'm off!" Dr. Crygor activated a jet pack and flew away.

Later, back at the mansion, Wario was putting on his new pair of PHAT-Pants while Mario took Stuffwell out of the trunk. "Fear sensors activated! Do I have to enter that haunted mansion, Mario?" whimpered the suitcase.

"I'm sorry, but we need you to store Red's autograph once we get it. Ashley said that Red should return to normal after we knock him unconscious, and that he is really not that bad of a guy." Stuffwell felt reassured until Wario called out, "Mario, get over here so we can deal with this crazy demonic psycho!" Stuffwell shivered as he shrunk and jumped into Mario's pocket. Wario, with great strength and absolutely no grace whatsoever, hoisted Mario on to his shoulders and slammed into the gate, shattering it into at least 12,946 pieces. "Ashley better not expect me to pay for that," muttered Wario. Carelessly throwing Mario to the side, Wario waddled up to the double doors and banged with one of the skull-shaped knockers. "Open up, Red, we know you're in there!" The doors swung open, and Wario was greeted with a fresh blast of hot fire. "EEYEH! It burns!" Stepping to the side, Wario watched as the small figure of Red floated out the door. Both his eyes and pitchfork were glowing with the same color as his name. With a great shriek, the imp yelled out, "RUHRUHRUHRUHRUH."

"Mario, my detectination sensors are panging away!" called out Stuffwell as he leaped out of Mario's pocket. Releasing a radio dish, Stuffwell said, "Red is trying to say that you should go away before he summons some evil monsters to dispose of you."

"RUHRUHRUHRUHRUH." Red thrusted his pitchfork into the ground, and a dorky looking fanged monster emerged from the ground. "I am detectifying another message." called out Stuffwell. "It says … _Hungraa appeared!_"

"How dare that twerp copy a monster from one of MY games!" growled Wario. He tried to rush forward and slam the monster, but found himself frozen. "Hey, what gives?"

"Incoming message. Mario, you can choose to attack with a _jump_, or throw away some _junk_."

Mario was confused, but nonetheless chose to _jump_ into the air, landing squarely on the monster's head. "Attention, Wario, Hungraa is attack you." continued Stuffwell. "Do you wish to _crouch, _or hide under a _couch_?

"Wah ha, I remember this microgame! Gimme the _couch_!" A couch fell from the sky, and Wario dove between the cushions. The monster started to punch Wario, but the sheer softness of the _couch_ deflected the attack.

"Are you sure that you weren't supposed to _crouch_, Wario?" asked Mario. Stuffwell then cut him off before Wario could answer. "Mario, finish the enemy with a Bros. Move: _Flop Bros._ or _Flip Bros._" Mario thought hard and remembered that the move is called _Flip Bros._ Mario stomped on Wario and kicked him towards the monster. Wario slid underneath then flipped Hungraa to oblivion.

"RUHRUHRUH." Red started thrashing wildly, and then summoned forth another monster, only this one had a pin-sized head. "_Refiller appeared!_" called Stuffwell. "Wario, give him a _Hook Pinch_, a _Hook Punch_, or _Hiccups_."

Knowing exactly what to do, Wario walked up to the monster and started to wind his arm up. Just as his fist was going to connect, Wario gave Refiller a painful _pinch_ on the cheek.

"Unconventional, but it seemed effective," stated Stuffwell. "Mario, defend against his attack. You may _gargle_ some mouthwash, plant a _garden_, or _guard_ yourself."

"Is it garlic mouthwash?" asked Wario as Mario _guarded_ himself from Refiller's attack. "Wario, focus and choose your Bros. move: _Hurly Bros._, _Burly Bros._, or _Girly Bros._"

Wario started to think to himself. "Hmm, I'm definitely not _girly_, but I am very _burly_. Wario scratched his forehead with his glove. "Wait a minute, I'm wearing _Hurly_ Gloves, so I better start throwing Mario!" Wario grabbed Mario's waist and tossed him at the monster, and Refiller was knocked out cold.

"RUHRUHRUUUUHRUUUUUUH." Red seemed enraged now, and proceeded to summon a dorky monster with a pencil thin neck. "_Munchor appeared!_" stated Stuffwell. "Mario, hit him with a _glamour string_, a _stammer sting_, a _hammer swing_, or a _camera sling_." Quickly noticing his lack of a _string_, _stammer_, and _camera_, Mario whacked Munchor with a great _hammer swing_.

"Quick, Wario, before Munchor attacks, _count_ to fifty, _counter_ his attack, open a _container_ of pickles, or sell some _contraband_."

"Let me see: one, two, three, four …" _counted_ Wario as Munchor ran straight at him. "Gah, it's not working!" Wario quickly grabbed a _container_ of pickles that Dr. Crygor had conveniently forgot in the PHAT-Pants, and opened it by smashing it against Munchor's bulbous head.

"Mario, finish him off. Use _Ballista Bros._, _Ballistic Bros._, _Barista Bros._, or _Ball-On-A-Stick Bros._"

"Mama mia, this is a tough one," said Mario. "I can't remember if it was _Ballista_ or _Ballistic_." Mario thought while Munchor began to recover from the pickle injury. Wario shouted out, "Make the choice now before that guy goes _ballistic_ on you!"

"Okey dokey, Wario, that's just what I needed." Mario smashed Wario into a ball and whacked him straight into Munchor, finishing him off.

"RUUUUUUUUUUH." Red suddenly fell to the ground and didn't get up.

"Mario, it appears that Red is completely exhaustified from summoning monsters. Victory sequence activated!"

"We couldn't have done it without you, Stuffwell," congratulated Mario.

"Wake up, you stupid imp, and sign this piece of paper!" yelled Wario as he slapped the unconscious Red across the face.

"Wario, let me revive Red," stated Ashley, who just walked through the broken front gate. Wario stepped aside and let the witch perform her magic.

"Wake up, you stupid imp, and sign Wario's piece of paper!" yelled Ashley as she slapped the suddenly conscious Red across the face.

"Boy, that chili can cause some serious heartburn," said the demon, rubbing his cheek. "Hey, Wario, when did you get here?"

"Shut up and sign this piece of paper." Wario thrust a piece of paper towards Red's nonexistent nose. "Wow, Wario, I'm surprised you didn't try to forge a signature this time!" Wario proceeded to slap himself on the forehead. "It's a good thing you didn't, because we demons have a special way of writing." Red pointed his pitchfork at the paper and set it ablaze. The word 'RED' appeared as a scorch mark on the page. "Here you go, boss. Be sure to visit us again, but wait until after Ashley calms down a bit." Wario did not say goodbye at all and hopped into his car, while Mario put the autograph into Stuffwell. "Thank you for your help, Red," said Mario before he got into the convertible. As the duo drove away, Red turned to Ashley. "That Mario guy sure is nice. Why do you put up with Wario so much if you could be with nice guys like Mario, Ashley?"

"You know, Red, beneath his awful visage and rotten personality, I can sense a truly good person in Wario," said Ashley. "Wario just needs to find that person himself. Now, Red, let us brew you some antacid."


	6. Chapter 5

Author's note: I own nothing here. (Except for the name of the new place)

**Mario & Wario: The Greedlock**

**Chapter 5: Nothing in Egg-cess**

"Gold! Pearls! Hair care products! I want it all!" sighed Captain Syrup. "Plus some jewelry would be nice, too."

"I could snatch the Princess's brooch if you really want it," offered her first mate Goom-Goom.

"That's it, I need a brooch! Wait, no, a necklace!" The pirate captain hurried to the second-story window of Wario's stolen castle. Out in the distance, she could clearly see the bright purple Wariomobile heading straight down the road. She saw even clearer the bright red brick heading straight for her face. Quickly jumping out of the way, she dodged both the brick and the sharp shards of glass that sprayed into the room. Captain Syrup didn't take long to notice that a sheet of paper covered in scorch marks was tied firmly to the brick.

"Here's your autograph, now tell us what to do next! The sooner I'm done with this, the better! This shout came from Wario, who was holding another brick menacingly in his fist.

"You do realize you broke your own window, right? Anyway, go get me the most beautiful necklace you can find. It has to be shiny and contain all the colors of the rainbow!"

"Hmm, that sounds like Neon Eggs," pondered Mario.

"What in the world are Neon Eggs?" asked Wario.

"Neon Eggs sound good! Go get them and put them on a necklace!" shouted the captain. The face of the Greedlock changed from a 4 to a 3 as the duo left for lands unknown.

Thus Mario and Wario found themselves on a rowboat in the middle of a rowboat in the Great Blooper Sea. "How you ever talked me into renting a rowboat is beyond me," muttered Wario as he vigorously paddled south.

"You must rememberify that my sensors picked up the location of Bean Fruit on an island in the middle of nowhere," stated Stuffwell the suitcase. "You should also know that Bean Fruit is the progenitor of the Neon Eggs."

"Stop making up all these words, they give me a headache! Everyone knows there is no such word as 'rememberify', or 'progenitor', or 'sensor'," yelled the angry yellow-capped Italian.

"Land ho!" shouted Mario as he pointed to a small island in the distance. Stuffwell, using his special global positioning system technology, searched for information about the island. "This must be Blowhole Island. Apparently, a tribe of Shy Guys dwellinate here, along with their trained Yoshis. Hmm, my records indicate that nobody has ever returned after landing on the island."

"Who cares? I need to eat food!" Wario started paddling at full speed, and in no time at all was hauling the rowboat ashore. Walking into the jungle, they were immediately greeted by a native wearing a painted mask.

"Welcome, visitors, to our home. I am Chief Guy. Before I can allow you to enter our village, I must first see if you are worthy. Step forward, purple-nosed one."

"Hurry up, I haven't eaten in four hours," grumbled Wario.

"A rude visitor, hm?" The short man walked around Wario, inspecting his visage. "You smell strongly of garlic, traveler. You may enter only after you gargle with some water from our nearby spring." Wario did a victory pose, and then proceeded to the spring. "You are next, red-capped one."

Mario politely stepped forward. "Ah, I see a huge problem. We do not allow ridiculous blue shoes on our island." Without warning, Chief Guy whipped out a pointy spear and aimed it directly at Mario's neck. "Remove the shoes now, or pay the consequences." Mario bent down to take off the Super Boots, but the sound of a Jet Ski grabbed his attention.

"Wait just a second, Mario, I'm coming!" cried Toadette as the Jet Ski through the water. Toadette stopped the obviously well-made device so suddenly that she was thrown headfirst into Mario. After scrambling on the ground, Toadette started to catch her breath.

"Your machine has disturbed the peace of our island. If you do not bear a gift or important news, I will have to destroy your mechanical boat," stated Chief Guy solemnly.

"No problem, chief, I just came to give Mario a new pair of shoes!" Toadette held up a red and white striped pair of boots. "I bought these Twister Boots just for you, Mario! See, I told you I would get to tell you about more power-ups! Using a twisting jump on Wario will drive him into the ground! The move is called 'Drill Bros.'. Well, I'll get going now!"

"No, fungus-headed one," spoke Chief Guy. "Since you have committed the great virtue of effectively saving someone's life, I grant you a seat of honor in tonight's festival. As for your friend, he may come in after he changes shoes." Mario donned his new Twister Boots with pride, and then followed the chief into the village.

"Gurglegurglegurgle ptooie!" Wario gargled with some fresh water from the spring, then spit it right back in. "This water is tasty! I wonder if I could bottle and sell it for 30 coins a pop." Wario, with his new fresh scent, started walking to the village, when a mango fell right on his head. "Argh, who did that?" The greedy man looked up to find a monkey screeching at him in glee from an unusual tree. Wario hurled a rock at the pest, missing by thirty feet. This angered the monkey enough to start throwing nasty brown objects that were not fruit straight at Wario.

"Ouch, these coconuts really hurt! That's it; you are going to get it, you cheeky monkey!" Wario grabbed the tree and shook vigorously. Purple fruits fell from the tree as the monkey grabbed tightly onto one of the branches. "Grrr, I'll get you later!"

"Wario, there you are," called Mario as Wario vented his anger. "I need to pound you into the ground with my new power-up so we can gather …" Mario looked at the Bean Fruit covering the ground around Wario. "Never mind, just forget about it."

"Ah, visitors, I see you have gathered Bean Fruit," stated Chief Guy with glee back at the Village. "Tonight happens to be the festival when we feed the Bean Fruit to our Yoshi friends. I insist you come."

"What, we have to wait until night to get the Neon Eggs?" Wario grumbled. Mario slyly gestured towards the Chief's spear, and whispered, "I wouldn't anger him if I were you."

"Coward," Wario muttered to himself.

After a long afternoon of Mario relaxing in a leaf hammock and Wario gobbling mangoes, it was time for the festival. The duo sat among the various Shy Guy tribe members, while Toadette got to sit on a makeshift throne. A tall totem pole decorated with painted masks towered in the center of the village, where various Shy Guys did a vigorous tribal dance. One by one, seven different colored Yoshis were led around the pole, and Mario and Wario watched as they were each fed a Bean Fruit. The Yoshis then simultaneous laid one Neon Egg, one for each color of the rainbow.

"Yes, victory is ours!" shouted Wario. He then noticed Chief Guy carrying a giant frying pan towards the totem pole. "Chief, what are you doing!"

"This is the most important part of the ceremony," explained Chief Guy. "Every year we make a Rainbow Omelet and sacrifice half to the powers-that-be. You are welcome to share the other half with the rest of the tribe."

This time it was Mario that spoke up. "I'm very sorry, chief, but it is very important that we take those Neon Eggs, they are vital to save the princess of my kingdom."

"I cannot allow that. The powers-that-be must be appeased, or they get angry."

"There's no such thing as powers-that-be! Just give me the eggs!" Wario lunged forward, knocking several dancing Shy Guys to the ground. He then grabbed Stuffwell and started to shove the eggs into the soft leather interior."

Chief Guy was trembling with rage. "How dare you two ruin our sacred festival?" The skies around the island started to grow thick with dark clouds. "For this you shall never leave alive!" Lightning cracked in the sky as the daring duo stared down the chief. The other Shy Guys and Toadette were heading for the shelter of the huts.

"Eebity eebity eebity bleeb!" chanted Chief Guy. The two mustachioed men ducked for cover as lightning struck the totem pole. After the flash of light, the short, pudgy figure was replaced by a tall, muscular figure.

Stuffwell's sensors started blaring like mad. "Illogitude, the chief's form has been replaced with that of a Zeus Guy!"

"Hah, is that all?" Wario sneered. "I've beaten way tougher guys than this!" Wario lunged forward with a shoulder barge, only to be blown away by a massive energy ball. "Hey, no fair!"

Mario, meanwhile, was agilely jumping towards the Guy. With a great twister jump, he drilled towards the Chief's head. However, Zeus Guys are masters of martial arts, and he kicked Mario into the totem pole."

"Enough with the fancy stuff, Mario, it's time to get serious!" Wario, thanks to the added strength of his pants, hoisted the entire totem pole out of the ground, and started to swing it like a bat. Chief Guy caught the other end of the bat in mid-swing, and then flung Wario off.

"Wah, he's tough! I'm out of ideas!" cried Wario as the chief stuck the totem pole back into the ground. He then noticed Stuffwell walking towards Chief Guy. "Excuse me, Mr. Power-that-is, perhaps I can offerify a trade."

"No!" boomed the voice of the Zeus Guy. "I need food! I need sacred food! You have no other sacred food than Neon Eggs! Give me Neon Eggs!"

"Will this make your mind changinate?" Stuffwell opened himself up, revealing not the Neon Eggs, but the Whacka Supreme. "No, don't do it!" cried Wario.

"You have other sacred food?" The Zeus Guy grabbed the legendary meal and took a bite. "This is good. I like the good food. The food is a good trade for Neon Eggs. I was bored of omelets every year anyway. You keep Neon Eggs. I will go share food with other powers-that-be." Another flash of lightning covered the area, and the island was once again bathed in sunlight.

"No, he took the whole thing!" cried Wario as he headed towards the now short and pudgy Chief. "Why didn't he leave half?"

"Do not complain, purple-nosed one. You convinced our guardians to let you keep the Neon Eggs, a great feat. Red-capped one, you mentioned that you need the eggs to rescue a princess. You should leave the island right away. I wish you all good luck." Chief Guy waved to the two men as they left the island behind.

"Did I miss anything, chief?" asked Toadette. "I sort of fell asleep in the hut." She then noticed something absolutely horrible. "What, how dare those two take my Jet Ski?" Scrambling into the creaky row boat, Toadette followed the duo as fast as she could into the night sky.


End file.
